


Hold Her Hand

by Kayleen756894



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Depression, F/F, Falling In Love, Family Dynamics, Moving On, Parenthood, Past Character Death, Past Maggie Greene/Glenn Rhee - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 05:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20861273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayleen756894/pseuds/Kayleen756894
Summary: Every once in awhile Tara would go out and talk to him.Today, Tara had something a little more personal to tell him.“I get why you fell for her.” Tara smiled sadly, looking down. “’Cause I’m falling for her, too.”





	Hold Her Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write this fic for a multitude of reasons. One, I'm still going through the five stages of grief over Tara's death. Two, I've been heavily inspired by some fics I've read on here recently. Three, we were robbed of seeing Tara react to Glenn's death. Four, I have a mighty need for more Tara x Maggie content.
> 
> This fic is a characterization piece for Tara. It references many past events but mainly takes place within Season 9, shortly before Hershel is born and then some time after. The biggest change I think I made to canon was having Tara live at Hilltop earlier than she does in the show (who cares about canon tho lol). I wanted to explore Tara's survivor guilt in this piece, along with how she feels about falling for her dead best friend's wife.
> 
> Warning: this fic contains heavy content including many suicidal thoughts, references, and a near suicide attempt. If that would trigger you please do not read this fic.

On the good nights, Tara woke up shaking with a cold sweat.

On the bad nights, she stared at her pistol for a little too long.

After the months, the years, she’d hoped to be over this by now. But every single night she still thought of the same thing.

She thought of when she met Glenn for the first time. She thought about how he could’ve left her at the prison she unknowingly agreed to help destroy, but he came back for her anyway.

Glenn had noticed her magazine was full and asked if she even fired a single shot.

If he hadn’t stopped for her, saved her, gave her a purpose, she would have fired one.

But he wasn’t here anymore, and she still was.

—

Looking at Maggie was harder than looking at herself sometimes, because even though Tara knew Maggie still occasionally cried herself to sleep, Maggie always greeted her with a smile the next day.

How could Maggie smile at her like that when Tara had failed her in every way?

Tara always smiled back, but one day she knew Maggie would see how forced it was.

—

She’d gotten sloppy during supply runs. She’d run on autopilot until a haunting memory took over—a walker’s slick flesh slipping from her grip and nearly nipping her niece, her dad’s gnarled face as he turned and nearly chomped off her nose, the shimmering slice of a sword decapitating Maggie’s poor father, Maggie’s bloodcurdling scream when she saw her younger sister’s limp body—and then a walker would be on her and she’d barely feel the will to fight it. If not for Jesus or Rosita or whoever she’d been on the run with, she’d have gotten bit long ago.

She was useless, just like in those memories, and had to stop going on runs. Not just for her partner’s sake, but because she didn’t trust her own intentions for embarking on them anymore.

—

On the worst nights, she’d sit in the corner of her room with her knees pulled up to her chest and her gun within grabbing distance. She’d leave the lights off and just stare into the darkness, hoping it would give her some sort of answer or refuge from her relentless guilt and self-loathing.

That was how she sat when she’d lost Lilly, Meghan and Alisha. That was how she sat after coming back to Alexandria and finding out she’d lost Abraham, Glenn and Denise. Three gunshots to her chest each time, spreading pain that was so blindingly consuming that all she could do was accept the loss of feeling in her legs and gradually hate herself more and more.

She always talked a big game, always promised to protect the people she cared about, but everyone she cared about seemed to die.

She wasn’t there to comfort Meghan when her life slipped away. She wasn’t able to save Lilly from the swarm of walkers she willingly let consume her. She couldn’t convince Alisha not to fight and never saw her alive again. She wasn’t there to cry for Abraham and Glenn, nor would she ever fully understand the horrors all her friends went through that night. She lost Denise just when she was starting to love her, and for Tara that clicked into place what the universe was trying to tell her.

She wasn’t strong enough to protect anyone, so either she had to stop caring about people, or she had to let one bullet take care of her.

—

One time Maggie found her like that, curled up in the corner in the middle of the night. Tara held the gun loosely in her hand and knew by Maggie’s sharp intake of breath that she noticed. A wave of shame crashed over her, scalding and suffocating, but she didn’t let go.

Maggie knelt down to be at eye level. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Tara finally gained the courage to look at her and almost cried at how openly concerned Maggie was. There was so much warmth and care and empathy in Maggie’s expression, all for her. Tara didn’t deserve a look like that.

Her voice was quiet and broken. “I keep thinking about him. About you. About me.”

Maggie’s eyebrows furrowed, urging her to continue.

“I can’t help but wonder if things would have gone differently if I’d been there.”

She didn’t need to clarify what she was referring to. She knew Maggie knew.

And Maggie was quick to jump on it. “Don’t. There’s nothing you could’ve—”

“I know. Logically I know there’s nothing I could’ve done. I wouldn’t have been able to stop Negan.” Tara blinked and finally a tear spilled loose, a glistening river down the valley of her cheek, and she looked down. “But if I’d been there, maybe he’d have killed me instead of Glenn.”

Maggie gently pulled the gun free and replaced it with her hand instead.

“Tara, I’m glad you weren’t there. ‘Cause that meant you were safe. That meant I wasn’t gonna lose you, too. I couldn’t handle losing you, too.” Maggie pulled her into a hug, her voice soft against Tara’s ear. “You and this baby... you’re all I have left.”

Maggie stayed with her that night, and Tara’s eyes were so drawn to her that for once she didn’t feel the impulse to look at her gun.

Maggie was extra watchful of her the next few days and Tara couldn’t blame her. Neither of them brought up what Maggie had walked in on, but whenever Tara’s hands started to shake they’d suddenly be covered by Maggie’s own.

From then on Tara hid her gun out of sight at night, and both she and Maggie rested a bit easier ever since.

—

As Maggie’s belly grew Tara felt the overwhelming need to be by her side all the time. She’d be there to get her some aspirin and water, to finish off her extra paperwork, to help deal with the Hilltop residents; anything Maggie needed. She remembered how much stress and pain Lilly had been in when she was pregnant but how she tried hiding it under a strong facade. Tara had no doubt Maggie would behave the same way, so she wanted to show Maggie that she didn’t have to fake strength around her. Maggie deserved opportunities to rest, and Tara would take care of anything she needed.

After everything Maggie had done for her, Tara felt this was the least she could do in return.

As Tara was reading through some documents at the desk, Maggie gave an excited gasp from the couch across the room.

“He’s kicking, Tara,” Maggie stated softly, as if the baby would stop if she spoke any louder. “Wanna feel?”

Maggie held Tara’s hand to her stomach so she could feel a strong kick against her palm, and as Maggie smiled at her, wide and warm and full of joy, Tara pretended not to notice an equally strong kick in her heart.

—

Tara was present for Hershel’s birth and something about that moment changed her.

She couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Maybe it was how Maggie squeezed her hand so hard she was sure her bones would break. Maybe it was how Tara leaned down to kiss Maggie’s sweaty forehead after the baby was born, like she was sure Glenn would have done. Maybe it was how happy and relieved Siddiq, Enid and Jesus all were when cleaning up the baby before handing the beautiful, healthy boy back to his exhausted mother.

Maybe it was the way Maggie looked at her when she asked her if she wanted to hold her son.

Maybe it was how protective Tara felt when she held Glenn and Maggie’s child for the first time.

Tara could already tell how much this baby was going to grow up to look like his father. He would be kind and loyal and brave like him, too.

She’d keep her promise to her best friend and protect his family, no matter what.

—

“Hershel likes you,” Maggie said out of the blue one day when she and Tara were sorting out Hilltop rations.

Tara looked up from the curious and adorable bundle in her arms. “How can you tell?”

“He never cries when you hold him. Judith never made a fuss around you, either. You’re good with kids.” Maggie rose from her desk and approached Tara, leaning in close to coo at Hershel and play with his hand. “Yeah, you like Auntie Tara, don’t you?”

Tara faintly registered Hershel’s giggles but felt herself freeze at Maggie’s words. Her body remained in the present but her mind whisked away to lively dinners, to school plays, to playing board games by candlelight in a dusty apartment and ignoring the thumping from the room above; times that didn’t feel real anymore.

“Wow,” Tara sighed, feeling out of breath, “it’s... been a long time since I’ve been called that.”

Maggie seemed to realize her mistake with wide eyes, looking up at Tara with regret and sympathy. “Oh, Tara, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...”

“No, no, it’s okay. The happy memories are stronger than the painful ones.” That was true, no matter how much the painful ones still haunted her. She’d rather endure the painful ones than lose the happy ones.

Tara looked down at Hershel then back up to Maggie and knew she would endure whatever was necessary to make more happy ones.

“I want to be in your life,” Tara admitted, unable to leave Maggie’s gaze, “and I want to be in Hershel’s life, so I’m more than happy to be his aunt.”

Maggie smiled and rested a hand on Tara’s arm. “Your sister and your niece. Can you tell me about them?”

No one had ever asked Tara about her family before, and remembering about who they used to be, who _she_ used to be, gave her a sense of peace. Tara wanted the memories of her family to live on even if she didn’t, and she was more than willing to give those memories to the woman who gave her a home.

“Sure.”

—

There was a time Maggie had asked her to take care of Hershel for a few days while she was gone, and Tara didn’t realize what Maggie had set out to do until much later. That was the first time since Hershel’s birth that she’d been away from him for so long, but Maggie seemed to trust Tara implicitly with the care of her child. It was like no one else had even crossed her mind.

Maggie was... quiet when she came back. Tara didn’t know what that meant and it took her all day to gain the courage to ask.

“Did you get the justice you wanted?” Tara asked that night, bouncing Hershel on her knee and trying to decipher Maggie’s unreadable expression in the low candlelight.

“My justice was robbed from me a long time ago,” Maggie replied, staring into the flame, barely blinking. “The man in that cell is a shell of what he was. Death would have been mercy.”

Maggie’s tone was even, but Tara could sense the anger under her words. She knew Maggie felt betrayed; felt like she could never truly get revenge for what happened to Glenn.

“Then let him rot there,” Tara said, holding no pity for the man herself. “From this moment on, he no longer exists. He no longer matters. All that matters,” Tara held Hershel to her chest and rested her chin on his head, “is right here.”

Maggie finally looked up. “You’re right.” Her gaze was on Hershel, and then wandered to Tara. “All that matters is right here.”

After putting Negan behind her Maggie began smiling a lot more freely, and Tara knew she would do anything to protect that smile.

—

Every once in awhile Tara would go out and talk to him. She’d talk to him about Hilltop, about Alexandria, about the Kingdom. She’d talk to him about their friends, about the people they’d lost, about newcomers. About how Maggie attempted justice against his killer, but found that Negan was suffering in a way worse than death already. About what Rick did to save their communities from a herd, and how they were all holding on to hope that he was still alive somewhere.

Today, Tara had something a little more personal to tell him.

“I miss you,” she started, giving his makeshift grave a gentle fist bump. “You were the best of us. The greatest friend I ever could have hoped for. I hope you’re at peace where you are, and that you can see that all of us are coping in our own way.”

She sat down, intending to stay awhile, as if this were a regular afternoon hangout.

“Maggie’s doing well. She gets stronger every day. The people of Hilltop love her. She’s the leader this place always needed. Me and Jesus help her out sometimes but only because there’s so much to do, not because she questions her ability. She’s just... she’s fearless. She’s amazing. After everything she’s gone through, she’s still here helping people. Giving them a future, a place to raise their families. She’s more guarded than she used to be, but despite everything she’s still warm and kind. She’s still the woman that forgave me for being on the wrong side of the fence that day, and said I was one of you. I didn’t believe it until then. The guilt was eating me alive but somehow with one sentence, one look, one hug, so much guilt and pain was lifted from my shoulders.

“She helped me like that again not too long ago,” Tara continued. “I was... I was ready to end it. I’ve been blaming myself for what happened to my family, to my girlfriends, to you. I keep thinking how much you deserve to be here instead of me. The guilt still kills me. Some days it’s worse than others. But if it weren’t for Maggie, I wouldn’t be here right now to tell you this. She saved me, gave me a purpose, just like you did.”

Tara took a deep breath, a shudder in her throat. She wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I get why you fell for her.” Tara smiled sadly, looking down. “’Cause I’m falling for her, too.”

Saying that out loud was debatably the hardest thing she’d ever done, but Glenn deserved to know. She stayed there in silence for a long time, letting those last words linger between them; letting the weight of them release from her chest and hopefully sink low enough to reach her best friend. She hoped he wouldn’t hate her for this and had to believe that he would understand where her feelings came from.

When Tara eventually looked up from Glenn’s grave, Maggie was there. She wasn’t sure how much Maggie overheard. She was afraid to know and even more afraid to ask, and neither she nor Maggie spoke a word about it.

—

“You visit him almost as much as I do,” Maggie said that evening as they both watched the Hilltop citizens finish off their work outside through the window.

“He was my best friend,” Tara replied instinctively, her voice sounding far away.

Maggie’s suddenly sounded closer. “And you were his. Never doubt that.”

Tara nodded. “I like just... talking to him. Telling him about my day. It helps me forget for a little bit.”

Maggie held her hand, the one that used to ache for her gun and now ached for the very thing that embraced it, leaving no room for anything else. Tara squeezed Maggie’s hand, and the warmth she felt was better than the coldness her gun had ever offered.

“I’m the same way,” Maggie admitted. “Sometimes when I wake up I forget for a moment that he’s gone. Then I remember, and sometimes it hurts so bad I don’t think I can keep going.” Tears filled Maggie’s eyes, and the way Maggie looked at her made Tara’s heart stop. “But then I see Hershel, and then I see you, and I remember there are things in this world worth fighting for, even when that fight is against myself.”

Tara couldn’t even recall how many times she had repeated that exact sentence to herself like a mantra to help her get through her days. Suddenly every smile Maggie gave her in the mornings, even back when Tara was barely functioning, made sense.

They’d been going through the same thing.

“I promised him I’d protect you,” Tara revealed softly, searching Maggie’s gaze with her own that was beginning to blur. “But I know you don’t need protecting. I want to support you in any way that I can though, so whenever you want me, I’m here.”

Maggie embraced her, tight and warm, and Tara’s heart jumped to her throat as she felt Maggie’s tears on her neck. “I will _always_ want you here.”

—

“Maggie seems happier lately,” Jesus mentioned from across the gas station they were scavenging. It was Tara’s first supply run in a long time, and the first she was prepared for in even longer.

“Yeah I noticed that, too,” Tara replied, not looking at him as she continued to search through the debris for abandoned candy bars and knickknacks. “She deserves to be happy.”

“You know it’s because of you, right?”

Tara stopped, her spine ramrod straight as she glanced at the knowing look on his face. “I didn’t do anything special,” she denied after a pause.

“She knows she can let her guard down around you because you see her as a person, not just as a leader or a mother or a widow. You were there for her in a heartbeat her entire pregnancy. You’re the only person she trusts to watch Hershel when she’s away. She comes to you first about the decisions at Hilltop and values your opinion. And don’t think I haven’t seen the way she holds your hand when she visits Glenn’s grave.” Jesus shook his head. “How is that not special?”

Tara bit her lip, feeling her chest tighten. “I just... want her to know I’m there for her.”

His expression softened. “Do you love her?”

Tara wore a sad smile as she shrugged, turning back to dig amongst the clutter. “I never had a choice.”

—

Just as Tara was getting ready for bed there was a knock at her door. Confused, she slipped her jeans back on and moved to greet her visitor. On the other side of the door stood the woman who never left her thoughts, looking more than a bit anxious.

“Maggie? Is something wrong?” Tara asked. An unnerving thought crossed her mind and her heart stopped. “Is it Hershel?”

Something flashed in Maggie’s eyes and Tara pretended it was anything but affection for her.

“No, Hershel’s fine. He’s out like a light.” Maggie bit her lip. “I’m not having the same luck, though. Would you... spend the night with me?”

Tara’s eyes widened. To say that was the last thing she expected to hear tonight would be an understatement. They hadn’t done this since that night Maggie caught her with a gun.

“Oh. Um.” Tara felt her cheeks flush as she rubbed the back of her neck. She was so caught off guard she couldn’t figure out how to say anything else.

When Tara didn’t reply further, Maggie looked down. “I just... don’t want to be alone. Not tonight.”

That calmed Tara down. Tara didn’t keep track of days anymore, didn’t see much of a point in the apocalypse, so she couldn’t pinpoint if today marked something special or tragic for Maggie. But if Maggie needed her, Tara was there.

“Just let me grab my things,” Tara said, and with the grateful smile Maggie gave her it was as if she had promised Maggie the world rather than just a night of company. She collected some spare clothes before shadowing Maggie to her room.

Maggie stripped down to her undergarments and Tara needed a reason not to stare, so she busied herself with Hershel. He was sound asleep in his crib just like Maggie said, snug in his PJs. Tara’s heart melted and she reached down to rub the boy’s head.

Soon Maggie was at her side, watching her, but Tara was too shy to look back.

“I think he knows you’re here,” Maggie pointed out.

That caught Tara’s attention and she finally looked up. “Why do you think that?”

“If he’s anything like his momma,” Maggie’s eyes flickered between hers, “he knows.”

Only when Maggie turned away and got into bed did Tara remember how to breathe, and it took another moment to remember to stop standing there with her mouth hanging open. She wished Hershel goodnight, and once she was down to her tank top and boy shorts she joined Maggie in bed.

“I’m not sure what I can do to help you sleep,” Tara murmured. Even though she didn’t wake up in cold sweats anymore, she still didn’t have the best luck with getting a good sleep; she couldn’t imagine extending any luck Maggie’s way, either.

“You’re here,” Maggie said, reaching out to hold her hand. “That’s enough.”

And it was enough.

—

Tara woke in a position she hadn’t had the pleasure of in awhile, and never with Maggie. Maggie’s head rested on her chest with an arm secure around her waist, and Tara’s own was wrapped around Maggie’s shoulders, holding her close.

She looked down at Maggie and saw how content she was, how all her demons seemed to be gone for once, and in a moment of weakness she held Maggie tighter. She’d been sleeping alone for so long she forgot what it was like to wake up to someone she loved.

This was how she used to wake up with Alisha. With Denise.

Everyone she loved died.

Tara couldn’t stop herself from loving Maggie, but she couldn’t let Maggie die, either.

She gently peeled Maggie off her body and stood up, willing her hands not to shake as she gathered her clothes. She made a beeline for the door before a small gurgle from Hershel made her pause. She let her garments slip from her arms and made her way over to his crib. She peered inside, seeing the young boy look up with wide eyes and smile when he saw her.

That smile was agonizing, because all Tara could think about was how she shouldn’t be the one seeing it. How Glenn should be here waking up with Maggie and looking down at Hershel instead of her. How she was cursed to live while everyone she loved died, and that if this kept going, she knew Maggie and Hershel would be ripped away from her, too.

There was a rustle of sheets behind her and Tara froze.

“Tara?” Maggie questioned, her voice full of worry. “Are you okay?”

In that moment Tara was a coward. She knew if she turned around and saw Maggie’s expression, what she believed would reside in Maggie’s expression, she would break down.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Tara choked out, the words like cotton lodged in her throat. “I’m sorry.”

A tear rolled down her cheek and she rushed out of the room before Maggie could see. Maggie called after her, concerned, maybe even afraid, but Tara was more afraid, so she ran.

—

Jesus found her before she got too far on the road, but not before her knife and clothes were stained crimson from walkers.

“You don’t need me to tell you coming out here alone was stupid,” he said, dispatching the last walker in sight.

Tara wiped the blood from her face and sheathed her weapon. She ignored him and kept going. She had no destination, but she just couldn’t be at Hilltop right now.

“Tara, c’mon. Just stop,” Jesus pleaded, gripping her arm.

Tara shook her arm free. “_What_?” she yelled, much louder than she meant to. Jesus looked shocked at her hostility and Tara was even more so. Her snarl melted to tears in seconds, her mask of strength crumbling away.

His expression softened the longer he looked at her, and she shouldn’t have been surprised that he figured her out before she could.

“Tara,” he began gingerly, resting a hand on her shoulder, “you have to tell her how you feel.”

She shook her head, looking at the ground. “I can’t burden her with that. I don’t deserve her. She was my best friend’s wife. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her.” She laughed, but it held no humour. “But how could I not? She’s... she’s everything.”

Jesus stepped closer, shielding her from the world for a moment. “Tell her that. Just be honest with her.”

Tara stepped away from him, wrapping her arms around herself as she began to shake. “I can’t disrespect her and Glenn like that. I wasn’t supposed to be a part of this. I shouldn’t be a part of this.”

“I guarantee you Maggie feels differently,” Jesus affirmed. “Tara, what’s this really about?”

Her tears finally fell. Everything she held in for so long cascaded out as a waterfall of guilt and agony.

“Everyone I love ends up dying,” Tara sobbed, holding her pounding head in her hands, and for an arduous moment she remembered crying just like this on the road the day she met Glenn, calling herself a piece of shit. Years later, those words echoed back from the trees, more true than ever. “The closer I get to Maggie the more I’m scared of her being taken from me. I can’t go through that. Not again. Not with Maggie.”

“Wouldn’t you rather spend that time with her if it happens?” Jesus’ voice was gentle and his hands on her shoulders even more so, keeping her still. “Wouldn’t you like your last moments to be with Maggie if it happened to you? Death could be around the corner for all of us nowadays. If you can love and be loved in this world, even if it’s just for a short while, you’re one of the lucky ones.”

Tara’s vision was cloudy, but Jesus made sure she was looking at him before he added, “Don’t push her away.”

—

It took days of guilt, self-doubt, gaining courage and losing it in the next moment before Tara finally worked up the nerve to talk to Maggie. Maggie didn’t approach her during this time, either giving Tara some time to deal with her emotions or because Maggie was blaming herself for Tara’s abrupt departure. The latter theory drove a white hot knife into Tara’s chest, twisting and churning the more she thought about how much she potentially upset Maggie. She knew it was her responsibility to apologize and explain herself, or she and Maggie could lose the connection they’d built over the last few years.

Tara practically chewed through her bottom lip before she managed to rap on Maggie’s door.

Maggie emerged looking as beautiful as ever, but there was a haunting loneliness in her eyes; a fresh wound from Tara’s own blade, and it was up to Tara’s trembling hands to stitch.

“Can I come in?” Tara asked, her voice small.

Maggie nodded and stepped aside. “Always.”

Somehow that one word, how it was said like a fact Tara should know, hurt more than if Maggie would have declined. Tara really had to remedy the damage she caused, both to Maggie and to herself.

She stepped into the room and looked around, anything to avoid looking at Maggie for a moment. The bed wasn’t made and there was a book opened on the bedside table. Hershel sat in his crib playing with a stuffed animal. Tara noticed with a flash of shame that she forgot her spare clothes on Maggie’s floor when she rushed out. Maggie had left them exactly as they were, as if they were a reminder that Tara had been there not long ago and that she’d be back soon. As if Tara’s clothes were meant to be a part of this room.

A reminder that Tara was meant to be there.

She gulped hard, butterflies eating away at her stomach.

“I’m sorry about the other day,” Tara began, the words dusty like ashes on her tongue. “I just...”

Tara took a deep breath, trying to calm down and collect her thoughts. Maggie observed her from a respectable distance, and Tara wasn’t sure if she wanted her closer or further away.

She had to be honest with Maggie. About everything.

“Every time I’m not with you I want to be, but every time I’m with you I feel like I don’t deserve to be. The closer I get to you the more scared I am to lose you. Everyone I love ends up dying. I can’t lose you and Hershel, too. The thought scared me so bad that morning all I could do was run. Waking up with you like that is what I’ve wanted for so long, and it made me so happy. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about how Glenn should be here instead of me, and how the last two women I held in my arms like that were killed before I fully got the chance to love them. The thought of losing you was too much. And in that moment I felt you and Hershel would be safer if I wasn’t here. I don’t want to lose you, but I would leave if it meant you two were safe.”

It all came out like word vomit because Tara knew if she stopped she wouldn’t have the nerve to continue. She stared at her pile of clothes on the floor the whole time, knowing she wouldn’t be able to handle looking at Maggie as she confessed. Her hands were sweaty and shaky and she rubbed them against her jeans in a not so subtle attempt to hide it.

“You kept your family safe since the outbreak started,” Maggie said, so firmly that Tara flinched. “You saved Glenn after he saved you, and were willing to sacrifice yourself for him to get to me. You’ve kept Jesus safe even when you two haven’t always agreed. You were willing to take the blame to save Rosita and the others from the Saviors. And you’ve helped keep Alexandria and Hilltop safe more times than I can count. You’ve saved more people than you’ve lost.” Maggie smiled and stepped closer, and when Tara looked up Maggie was right there, so close Tara could feel the other woman’s breath. “Sounds to me like Hershel and I will be safest with you right here.” Maggie held Tara’s trembling hands in her own, squeezing and rubbing until the tremors calmed. “I always want you with us. I’ve told you that before, haven’t I?”

Tara took a deep breath, her whole diaphragm deflating as she released it. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Maggie squeezed her hands again, sorrow and regret reflecting from her eyes. “I’m sorry, too.”

Tara opened her mouth to dispute, to say Maggie had nothing to apologize for, but was interrupted by Hershel making a noise resembling a whine from his crib.

Maggie’s smile turned a shade shy. She hesitantly released Tara’s hands and stepped back, and Tara had never felt colder. Maggie’s lips parted a few times before she finally admitted, “He missed you as much as I did.”

Tara sighed, relieved that the hard part of the night was over and that things seemed to be going back to normal. Another part of her was happy to learn just how important her presence was to Maggie. Knowing that Maggie had genuinely missed her caused some guilt to linger, but also made her chest blossom with warmth.

She was here now, both for Maggie and Hershel. They didn’t have to miss her anymore.

“Sorry for disappearing on ya, little buddy,” Tara said playfully as she reached down to pet Hershel’s head. He giggled at her and held her finger in one of his tiny hands, making Tara smile. “Auntie Tara’s here now. She’ll play with you a lot tomorrow to make up for it.”

He laughed again before letting her go and grabbing his toy, squeezing its large ears. Tara watched him adoringly, blessed that she got to witness something so pure despite everything that had happened to the world.

“I don’t want you to be Hershel’s aunt anymore.”

Those words stopped Tara dead in her tracks. She looked up and saw Maggie’s smile was gone, a serious look on her face instead. Tara opened her mouth as if to say something but no sound came out, like the life had been punched out of her, leaving nothing but shrivelled organs and frozen blood. Tara knew she messed up, knew she had to try harder for all of them, but she thought Maggie had forgiven her, or was at least willing to let her make up for her mistakes. She never thought Maggie would ever say something like that to her.

Before Tara’s heart could break any further, Maggie continued, “I want you to be his mom.”

For the second time in too short of a time span, Tara felt all the air rush from her body. “... What?”

Maggie bit her lip, looking anywhere but Tara for a moment. It looked like Maggie had been preparing her own confession just as long as Tara had been preparing hers.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get feelings for someone again,” Maggie murmured, her sweet voice tinted with both melancholy and hope. “But out of everyone in this world, I’m glad it’s you. He’d be happy it’s you, too.”

Tara saw his face in her mind, and he was smiling. How did she deserve that?

Her gaze flickered back to reality and Maggie was staring at her like she was the most important person in the world. Tara’s heart was pounding so fast. She couldn’t keep up with what was happening. This couldn’t be happening.

“Maggie, I...”

“You’re allowed to be happy, Tara,” Maggie gently interrupted. Maggie took a step forward, her eyes brimming with affection but her brow creased with concern. “You know that, right?”

She didn’t.

Tara barely managed to whisper, “I’d never want to disrespect either of you or what you two had...”

Maggie shook her head, stepping even closer until there were no more steps left to take.

“I love Glenn will all my heart. That will never change.” Maggie held Tara’s face tenderly in her hands, caressing her cheeks. “Doesn’t mean I can’t make room for you.”

Tara’s eyes tried to search Maggie’s, tried to harvest any signs of deceit or forced feelings, but all she could see was the way Maggie used to look at Glenn, and then her vision was too blurry to see much of anything. “Are you sure?” Tara asked, so quietly she couldn’t tell if she made a sound.

Maggie glanced down at Tara’s lips and then back up to her eyes. Maggie was still for a moment, giving Tara the chance to pull away, and when she didn’t Maggie slowly moved forward, pressing their lips together.

Tara was frozen, her breath whisked away by the soft lips of the woman she loved. Her heart slammed against her rib cage, echoing desperately for Maggie’s own, but her body was still, in too much shock to respond.

Tara never thought this would happen; never even let herself dream that it could happen. She never thought she would deserve this, not after everything she had done and everything she had failed to do.

But Maggie seemed to want her anyway.

It was only when Maggie pulled away that Tara realized how hard she was crying. Maggie thumbed away her tears and kissed her again, and this time Tara felt herself respond, pushing against Maggie’s mouth and gripping at Maggie’s arms like her life depended on it. Maggie stroked her jaw and Tara sobbed into Maggie’s mouth, releasing every ounce of love she felt for this woman through this kiss.

Hershel let out a high-pitched squeal, causing Tara and Maggie to break their kiss and laugh, gazing at each other through their eyelashes shyly. Maggie’s cheeks dusted pink, her eyes shone brightly, and she looked absolutely stunning. Tara probably looked like a wreck in comparison, but Maggie looked at her like she was all that mattered.

Maggie wiped away the remnants of Tara’s tears before she picked up Hershel, holding him with one arm and holding out the other to Tara.

“So... will you be with me? Help raise his son with me?” Maggie’s eyes gleamed as she looked at Tara. “_Our_ son?”

Tara’s heart melted and her feet moved before her brain could catch up. For the first time since Tara met Maggie she initiated the contact, reaching for Maggie’s hand and holding it tightly—something she never thought she would do—and was surprised at how natural it felt to do so, considering how long she fought against her feelings.

She thought back to those horrible nights when she’d stare at her gun, thinking she’d never be good enough. She thought a steel kiss from her gun was all she had to look forward to.

Then Maggie was there like an angel, replacing that gun with her hand, and now Tara could look forward to holding that hand every day.

“Of course I will. And not just out of obligation,” Tara clarified, wrapping her arms around the two people she loved the most. “It’s because I don’t want to be anywhere but here.”

Hershel laughed, reaching up to play with Tara’s hair, and Maggie smiled, snuggling into Tara’s neck.

Tara promised Glenn she would protect his family. As she held Maggie and Hershel in her arms, felt the warmth of their bodies weave into her heart, she finally realized that meant herself, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I never thought I would write a TWD fic, yet here we are, and I'm pretty proud of it. If you enjoyed my fic I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you for reading and have a good day! :)


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